15 signs you’re in a toxic marriage (and what to do)

Relationships are complicated at times. Successful marriages require hard work and dedication. When one or both partners is unwilling to put in the necessary effort, the marriage may become toxic.

A toxic marriage might start great and slowly worsen over time. This may make it difficult to determine when the relationship takes a turn. Further, relationships that are obviously toxic when observed from the outside may seem normal and loving to the partners living through them. 

If you wonder whether you’re in a toxic marriage, you may be at risk of being in one. Learn what toxic marriage signs to watch for and, if your relationship is harmful, some actions you may wish to take.

What is a toxic marriage?

A toxic marriage is one where unhealthy behaviors and negative patterns dominate the relationship, creating emotional harm, fear, and instability. Instead of support and trust, the relationship may be filled with manipulation, criticism, control, and disrespect.

Unlike the normal disagreements that happen in healthy marriages, toxicity involves recurring behavior that drains one or both partners emotionally or physically. Over time, this can lead to anxiety, depression, and a deep sense of isolation.
Toxicity often develops gradually. A partner might begin by undermining your confidence, controlling your decisions, or isolating you from friends and family. Eventually, these behaviors can escalate into emotional or physical abuse. Recognizing these patterns early is key to protecting yourself and deciding whether the relationship can be repaired—or if it’s time to leave.

Signs you might be in a toxic marriage

In a toxic marriage, there’s an ongoing physical or emotional issue that doesn’t seem to get better. These relationships often leave one or both partners feeling neglected, demeaned, attacked, unsupported or fearful on a regular basis. 

Although there aren’t any clearly defined lines dictating what a toxic marriage looks like, below are warning signs to look out for.

Your partner emotionally abuses you

Emotional abuse is one of the clearest signs of a toxic marriage. It can include humiliation, constant criticism or blame, guilt-tripping, neglect, yelling, ridicule, stalking, dismissiveness, or manipulation meant to control or diminish your self-worth.

Your partner physically abuses you

Hitting, choking, restraining, throwing objects at someone or any other physically damaging behavior is a red flag. Some partners rationalize and attempt to justify incidents of physical abuse, but any intentionally harmful act is unacceptable. This situation can be particularly concerning when both partners engage in the behavior. Help is available if you’re experiencing relationship abuse of any kind.

You’re never relaxed around your partner

If you find yourself dreading your partner coming home or if they’re so quick to anger that you feel the need to watch what you say or do around them, you might be in a toxic relationship.

Your partner constantly guilt-trips you

Toxic partners often use guilt as a way to control others. They might repeatedly bring up past mistakes, exaggerate small issues, or blame you for things outside your control. Affection may feel conditional, offered only when you meet their demands or expectations.

Your partner tries to control you

Many times, controlling behavior is a sign of a toxic marriage. When partners don’t trust each other, they sometimes try to control each other instead. Dictating where you can go and when you can be there is a typical example of controlling behavior. Other signs include keeping constant tabs on you, emotionally manipulating you and lying.

Your partner sabotages your relationships

One of the most effective methods of controlling someone is isolating them. So toxic partners often try to sabotage their spouse’s relationships with others. Whether your partner tries to pry you away from close friends, family or both, sabotaging relationships is toxic.

Your partner doesn’t respect your boundaries

Boundaries are part of a healthy relationship. When we set boundaries, it’s essential that others—especially those closest to us—respect them. A partner’s refusal to accept or respect the limits you set may be indicative of a toxic marriage.

Your partner doesn’t respect your opinions

A good partner respects and considers their spouse’s opinions. We’re all human and might tersely reject people’s opinions from time to time. But the relationship may be toxic when this behavior becomes constant and one partner never considers the other’s opinions.

Your partner violates your privacy

Having privacy is an essential aspect of maintaining your mental health. Tracking your location, snooping on your phone or computer and denying you access to private spaces may all be signs of a toxic partner.

Your partner always seems critical

Some criticism is valid and healthy. Being constantly bombarded with criticism over mundane issues isn’t. If your spouse continually criticizes and never praises you, you might be in a toxic marriage.

You feel depressed

People who are in a toxic marriage often end up depressed. At the same time, depression can be indicative of many underlying problems. So if you notice signs of depression—such as hopelessness, loss of interest in activities you enjoy or changes in your sleep—work to determine what’s causing this feeling. (It may help to speak with a mental health professional.) The answer could be a toxic partnership.

You want to cheat on your partner

The desire to cheat may be a symptom of a stale—but not necessarily toxic—marriage. If you feel the urge to cheat, assessing the desire and further understanding it might be helpful. Sometimes the underlying cause is a marriage that’s becoming toxic.

You and your partner have no intimacy

Everyone has different intimacy and sexual satisfaction needs. Meeting these is key for a healthy marriage. If there’s a disconnect between you and your partner regarding intimacy, it may be helpful to confront it. If they’re dismissive, your relationship might be struggling. 

You or your partner constantly feel jealous

Jealousy is a natural instinct. Overbearing and constant jealousy may fester in a relationship and potentially turn it toxic.

You and your partner lie to each other

In a toxic marriage, both spouses often lie. If you feel the need to constantly lie so you can avoid criticism, it’s a sign that your partner might be toxic. On the other hand, if you lie to keep your spouse in the dark about financial issues or inappropriate relationships, you might be contributing to a toxic relationship.

Can a toxic relationship become healthy?

In almost all cases, fixing a toxic marriage requires both partners to be dedicated to the relationship and willing to work to fix it. If one partner is dismissive or otherwise unreceptive, the marriage might be impossible to heal. Discussing the issues in your marriage openly and honestly is often the first step. Marriage counseling may also be helpful. Ultimately, both parties must take responsibility to heal a toxic relationship.

How to get out of a bad marriage

Ending a toxic marriage takes courage and preparation. Start by creating a clear plan that addresses your safety, financial stability, and housing arrangements. If you or your children are in danger, contact local shelters, domestic violence hotlines, or law enforcement immediately for protection.

Work with a therapist to manage the emotional stress and to help you set healthy boundaries. At the same time, an experienced divorce attorney can guide you through the legal process, helping you protect your rights, secure custody, and divide assets fairly. Taking professional advice early helps reduce risk and ensures you can move forward safely and confidently.

How a family law attorney can help you leave a toxic marriage

People who wish to get out of a toxic marriage often find an experienced divorce attorney to be helpful. A lawyer can help plan your separation and point you toward helpful resources throughout the divorce process. They will handle the legal formalities so you can focus on keeping you and any children safe. Lastly, an attorney can help with child custody, division of assets, alimony, child support and any other legal problems that may arise.

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